


All Shall Fade

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Goodbyes, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Inspired by Pippin's Song, M/M, Past Character Death, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: Home is behind, the world ahead.Felix and Jisung have to leave their home, but not without saying a final goodbye.‘’Na lû e-govaned vîn,’’
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	All Shall Fade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InoruMarufuji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InoruMarufuji/gifts).



> Well well well... the time has come.
> 
> Lina, my soulmate, my wife.  
> I wish you a very happy birthday with lots of presents and love.   
> The sappy speech will come later because I'm about to fall asleep here.
> 
> But I gift you; Sad Felix _*throws confetti*_
> 
> \----
> 
> Very vaguely inspired by lotr because Pippin's song was stuck in my head out of nowhere and this happened.
> 
> Celtic Angels - 'Edge Of Night' aka Pippin's Song

For as long as Felix could remember, he had admired the tall mountains and the dense forest he called his home. They were like dense walls protecting them from everything outside, or so they had thought.

Felix had never understood what that everything was supposed to be but the tales were enough to make him appreciate the intimidating mountain range.

As he walked the small path along the foot of the highest mountain - _Scìath_ \- he still felt as amazed. The mountain was everything someone pictured when thinking of such; so high it reached the clouds, raw and rough despite years of brutal weather and as wide as the fields behind it.

Felix had often hoped to be able to stand on top of that mountain one day. He had seen people do it, including his father when Felix was just seven years old. The man had promised him to help him get there one day, but he had been called away before they had the opportunity.

The freckled boy was twenty now and still wished he could get up there one day.

A hopeless wish.

Felix let out a heavy sigh and continued his way through the snowy land, trying not to trip on the occasional rock or slab of ice hidden under the thick layer of snow. It was mid-winter now and he was glad that his woollen cape had survived, the fabric a little itchy but warm nonetheless. 

It was one of the last things he had that reminded him of home. He had passed the ruins of his house and the many others that had made up the village a little while ago and sadly, it still made his heart ache.

The damage could have been much worse and most of the villagers had gotten away on time, but that couldn’t be said about the fallen ones who had sacrificed themselves to give the rest a better chance at life.

He pushed it away and looked at the sky when he felt a tiny speck of cold land on his nose. It was a rather odd white above him and he understood it meant that there was a big snowstorm ahead so he hurried his steps, hugging the cape around him a big tighter.

The flat land turned into a slow incline after a little while, the path staring their way up the smallest mountain of them all. It still made Felix a bit dizzy when he let his eyes wander to the top far away from him but that was okay. He could make it there, had done so before.

He soldiered on and let the lack of trees rusting dangerously or the sound of birds engulf him. It was quiet all around him and it made his grief seem rather insignificant to the rest of the world. The world around him was at peace, in contrast to his inner thoughts.

But that was okay.

It shouldn’t matter to the rest of the world, shouldn’t be in shambles because if that were the case, there would be little left to admire.

At some point he reached the place where the road split in three. He knew the path to his right would lead back down and to the little brook in the forest, a place he had spent a lot of his free time up to the last summer. 

His heart ached again when he thought about his and Jisung’s child-like laughter from when he was younger. They would hold contests to see who could stay without breathing the longest – Jisung _always_ cheated his way to victory – or they would pretend to be horrible sea creatures and scare either the younger kids playing near the creak or the people crouching down next to it to wash the vegetables.

Felix found himself smiling a little but then a new set of memories came up, ones from when they were already well into their teens. 

They included a little less of his best friend and a lot more dimpled smiles and soft kisses, adding a handful of events from another couple of years later that still made Felix flush but smile fondly nonetheless. 

It pained him to realise he had never known what was to come when he made that last memory there, not knowing it was going to be the last.

Felix shook his head once and looked at the path straight ahead.

It would lead him further into the mountains, winding around and through the cracks until it ended in a dead end with a small cave. He had never gone there, but Jisung had told him many stories of his rather scandalous meet-ups with a certain raven-haired guy.

Felix scoffed to himself, still smiling a little as he remembered the sparkle in his best friends eyes whenever he had talked about Minho, Son of _tog_ , determined to defy his parents’ wishes and marry the guy someday. Minho had seemed to be just as determined, the necklace around Jisung’s neck intricate and fit for a king.

He eyed the ring on his own finger, one hand-crafted from the finest material and engraved with tiny little swirls.

And just like Jisung, Felix had wanted nothing more but speak those vows.

Something that was never going to happen now for any of the two. Not anymore.

The thought of Jisung made Felix turn around and peer down, looking at the path he had come from but he didn’t see anything standing out. But that was okay. He’d just go ahead and meet up later.

He took a deep breath and went to the path on his left. 

Everyone knew where that lead.

The weather had grown a bit better and Felix didn’t worry about potentially getting stuck in a snowstorm anymore, giving him some leeway in getting up the mountain. Not that he still had a long way to go from here, neither was the hike strenuous, but it definitely made things a lot easier. 

He focussed on not slipping most of the way, hoping that Jisung would be careful.

He finally reached the top after a little while and was met by a cold but soft breeze, tugging at his hair and clothes. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and waited for his heart to settle back to the normal pace and for his lungs to stop burning before opening his eyes again. 

From this high he could easily see the forest on his right and the wide stretch of land in front of him all the way to the big river that meandered through. In spring the fields would be a vibrant green from the young sprouting grass but now it was one endless white canvass, effectively covering up the damage it had suffered and horrors that had occurred there.

The wind turned a bit sharper at that and he had to look away to prevent himself from reliving it all. 

He took a small step to his left and followed the small but tricky set of steps carved out, letting his fingers glide along the rough cold stone covered in ice and snow. It was a little scary and he went slow, but then he was standing on a flat part a little below the top he had just stood on. 

The view wasn’t much different but it always got lost in the background due to the handful of tall stones carefully placed around the platform. He had been there so many times already, yet he still felt his throat close up as he his feet carried him to one of the latest additions on his right. 

The snow crunched under his boots and everything was so white and empty that it sounded like the whole world could hear him walk, even though that wasn’t possible.

But then again, he had thought the same about ever parting.

He came to a stop in front of a perfectly carved stone, standing a bit straighter and taller than the ones that had been here even before Felix had been born. 

It was covered in a thick layer of snow and he reached out to clean it off but he stopped a little short.

This was what he had come here for, to face his lover for the last time and accept that there was little of him left but a name and the memories in Felix’s head.

He hesitated for a long while, his hand hanging in the air and not yet touching the object, but then he managed to give himself that last little push. Felix worked slowly, his heart up in his throat and eyes more focused on the snow than the engravings. 

The wind slowed down some more like it was taking pity on him, nothing more but a cold but gentle caress. But then he was done and he was staring at dark, smooth stone, the carvings rough on his fingertips as he traced them.

_Posto vae_  
Christopher, _estel_   
Son of _golwen_ and _milui_   
Honored warrior.  
May your final journey be swift and peaceful. 

Words he had seen many times already, despite – or because – it being far from long ago. It was still difficult for them to settle. Every time he tried to process it in his brain, his throat would close up and the world seemed to shrink down on him a little. 

It was an awful feeling and sometimes it would make him short of breath, making him feel like he was dying a little whenever that happened. A little more each time. If there was one little thing that made it more bearable, it was that Jisung knew exactly what it felt like. Felix never needed to explain because the boy would just get it with a single look in the eyes. 

There came more crunching footsteps behind him but Felix didn’t need to turn around to know it was Jisung, but he did anyways because they had lost sight of each other a little while ago. 

Jisung was always so easily distracted and stubbornly determined. Felix wouldn’t be surprised if he had spent most of his way up digging through the snow for whatever he had in his hands. 

Jisung spared him a single painful glance before he walked passed him, ending up in front of a stone somewhere on Felix’s left. The boy went through the same process of wiping the snow away and Felix looked away when his eyes caught Minho’s name.

He heard a stuttering sigh and mirrored it as he leaned forward against the ice cold stone, closing his eyes and trying to tune out the almost inaudible crying the wind brought with it. 

‘’ _níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham_ ,’’ Felix whispered, gripping onto the stone a little harder when his chest ached, ‘’But I will bear it until we do,’’

Of all the things Felix promised himself he wouldn’t do, it was crying. He had done enough to fill rivers and lakes and yet he felt his eyes well up behind closed eyelids. He was growing tired of it, but that didn’t seem to matter. 

The tears were biting cold as they slipped down, the icy wind chilling the wetness on his cheeks until his skin felt numb. 

If only the wind could do the same for his heart.

But things didn’t work like that, unfortunately, so all he could do was try to swallow the growing lump down and tear himself away from the stone. As he did, there was a more noticeable sob and he wiped his tears with his ice-cold fingers as he turned his head to his best friend.

He watched in silence as Jisung carefully sunk down on his knees in the snow, a bunch of tiny white snowdrops clutched in his red hands and to his chest. 

There were about a dozen when he looked closer and that definitely explained the delay earlier. Felix watched on with sorrow as the boy lay the flowers down in front of him, whispering words under his breath and quiet enough for Felix not to catch them. 

It seemed like ages and just a second at the same time before Jisung pushed himself up on shaky limbs, almost stumbling but holding onto the large stone to steady himself, just in time to keep from slipping on the snow and ice and down the mountain.

Unexpectedly, Felix heard him chuckle a single time. Perhaps the boy was in a worse condition than he had thought, because it certainly wasn’t funny.

But then Jisung turned to him, clearly trying to smile, ‘’Even in death, hyung is there to make sure I don’t accidently throw myself off the mountain,’’

Normally Felix would’ve laughed, because Jisung made him do so all the time, but now he couldn’t seem to even _pretend_. It clearly showed on his face because the other’s tiny and unsure smile slipped away. Felix felt a little upset because it was the first thing in weeks that somewhat resembled a smile, but he also knew that Jisung would never blame him for his lack of response. 

Jisung gave him a heartbreaking grin before turning back the large stone he was still holding onto, placing a long kiss against the stone before making his way over to Felix.

The freckled boy was a little surprised when Jisung carefully held out another little bunch of snowdrops, clearly intending for Felix to take them, ‘’It is nothing like a sunflower, but I think that maybe Chan-hyung would be really happy if you gave them anyways,’’ 

It was far from those beautiful sunflowers Chan loved so much – the whole reason it was Felix’s nickname for the older – but the sentiment was almost too much to bear. 

Jisung had always been the more sentimental one, almost to the point where it was annoying. Right now it wasn't.

‘’Oh Hannie,’’ Felix whispered against the wind, tears welling up in his eyes ones more as he reached out and took the flowers out of the other’s hands. 

There was silence once again as Felix crouched down and placed the tiny flowers at the foot of the stone.

It didn’t take a whole lot more for them to end up clinging to each other, Felix feeling a little bit of the cold darkness seep out of him as Jisung gently traced his hands down his lower back. A gesture that made him remember those moments when they were little, when Jisung would do the same thing whenever Felix was sad or angry for the most stupidest reasons.

‘’It hurts,’’ Jisung mumbled as he buried his head in Felix’s neck, ‘’Will it ever stop?,’’

Felix didn’t think it would. It still felt like there was a gaping hole in his heart, his soul, and it was so big that he couldn’t see it getting any better sometime soon. However, that didn’t mean he should let himself get swept up in it, even though he really wanted to.

And God, how much he wanted to.

Because it was exhausting to fight against his heart with rationale. His mind kept telling him to get up, move on and get stronger, that his life was far from over, but his heart was telling him to stop trying and to lay down next to his love.

Whether it be above the ground or under it.

But that was his own battle. He didn’t need to drag Jisung with him by letting him know that no, Felix had no hope that it will probably ever stop. And even if it did, it would take a very long time. 

‘’All shall fade,’’ Felix whispered back, a tear trickling down his face and a little smile on his lips as he leaned back to look Jisung in the eyes.

Jisung nodded but didn’t look all that consoled. Not that it had been Felix’s intention per se, but he had hoped the boy hadn’t caught up on his own hopeless tone. 

‘’All shall fade,’’ he murmured back regardless, finger digging painfully into Felix’s shoulder like he was afraid that the freckled boy was going to disappear from the world if he didn’t.

Maybe that was about right. 

It certainly felt like it for Felix, so the hands moving up to his cheeks and the way Jisung gently wiped the tears away were a welcome gesture, a grounding one. 

‘’I love you Lixie,’’ Jisung croaked out, ‘’I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me,’’

Felix couldn’t help but let an ugly sob escape out of his mouth and he nodded, burying his head into Jisung’s neck.

‘’I won’t, I promise,’’ he cried against the boy’s skin, ''I will never, so don't you dare leave me either,''

The rubble of the houses, the damaged trees, the scorced fields.

Their childhood, their imagination, their memories, their time...

It would all fade over time, whether it was until there was nothing left or nothing more but vague emotions.

But the remnants of the war would be left behind for a lot longer, evident in the names of their loved ones carved in stone and the testemony of nature.

It was time to leave their home behind, and somehow try to make a new one somewhere else.

Felix wasn’t so sure if he was going to be able to do so.

_’’Sunflowers always face the sun, Love. Even till their last moment. And the sun will always keep burning and another sunflower will face the sun,’’_


End file.
